Adventurer's Day in Eyrda
by breathingunderground
Summary: It's not always easy to be an adventurer in Eyrda. And it's not even all Henry's fault (sometimes).


7.00

I should wake up.

7.05

It would be easier if I actually went to sleep.

7.10

It would be easier if I actually could go to sleep. I haven't slept for three months.

7.15

I realize I've been staring at Henry's bald head for who knows how long. I might be slightly sleep-deprived.

7.18

Henry sent me to bring him chilli for the dinner he makes for his date. I don't want to know why he's cooking dinner at 7 AM. I feel like free labor. It's not a good feeling.

7.20

I also don't want to know who is Henry's date.

8.20

Henry sent me to get him chilli five more times. Whoever is his date must have really resistant digestion. And very weird hobbies, since Henry made me get him quite impressive amount of iron chains.

8.21

Actually, I don't want to know about their hobbies, either. Ever.

8.22

Rio is laughing very inconspiciously at this point. Henry is trying to hide the chains. I have a rising urge to bleach my brain.

8.23

There is no bleach to be found. There is a dance party in the middle of the City Square though. I'm gonna ask them for some Ingle Firewater, since they seem to have caught the merchant.

8.30

Plan reconsidered. I almost crashed with giant pink llama. I can imagine more heroic kinds of death.

8.45

Like falling from a perfectly safe pier to the sea.

8.46

No, really. Someone save me.

8.50

There's a talking crocodile. I don't know why it surprises me.

9.15

The guy with the llama pulls me out of the water. I offer to buy him a drink at Charlie's.

9.20

I think I wasn't clear enough. Well, I've always liked lightouses.

9.30

This is some scam. The lighthouse is not lost, I can see it from here.

10.24

I vote for renaming this quest to Lost Adventurer.

11.13

At least the pirates seem nice. They don't even want to kill me anymore. They just sigh a lot and offer me some really bad rum.

11.58

Actually, the rum is great.

12.05

The llama guy finds me. The pirates scatter. He doesn't listen to my complains about the sudden lack of rum.

12.15

The llama guy and his friends kill some giant people living in the lighthouse. I get lost, then fall from the stairs and then a crab bites me.

12.18

No, I don't know who brought the crab here.

12.21

I would appreciate if the llama guy and his friends stopped screaming at me. I swear they could do with some rum.

12.30

We leave the lighthouse. Everyone is mad at me, I didn't get anything from the treasure and the crab keeps following me. On the brighter side, I gathered some nice shiny flowers.

12.31

I realize there is no more rum. I'm sad.

12.32

I realize Charlie might have some. It improves my mood significantly.

12.45

I might or might not have fallen from the pier again.

12.46

On the retrospective, I might be slightly drunk.

13.05

Charlie doesn't want to sell me booze. He talks about his pie a lot.

13.34

There is not even rum in that pie. Really, what's the point.

13.56

I gave up on rum and asked him to give me some of his pie. He agrees.

14.05

It turns out he's just getting to baking it. He wants me to bring him some ingredients.

16.56

I've fallen from the pier four times, almost crashed with a huge rainbow turkey, got caught in a speculation that cost me pants and half my money and accidentally obtained a monkey, but I think I have everything he asked me to bring.

17.05

There is no cake in sight. The green imp in the cage laughs and points at me. Charlie's apparently-not-wife conspires with some guy that looks like he broke into a hardware store. I hear words like 'love potion', 'fraud' and 'fool.' I don't think I'm gonna get close to Charlie's not-wife.

17.20

THE CAKE IS A LIE.

17.32

I demand a petition to build a fence around this pier.

17.40

I now realize it might go against the point of pier.

17.52

I'm soaking wet and have no cake or rum. And no pants.

18.05

Judging from the reactions of the ladies from the temple, it' time to find some.

18.15

Correction: It's not the time. The llama guy is back and wants to have a duel. I politely decline.

18.25

I've been defeated thrice. Still no pants.

18.27

The dance party is getting really wild. They have baloons.

18.30

Henry is dancing. I need that brain bleach.

18.42

A suspiciously looking lady told me she would give me some pants if I catch her a cat. I look at her doubtfully. There is a lot of stray cats. One just tried to pee on my leg. I don't recommend her that one.

18.46

She means a special cat. From some special forest.

18.47

I tell her that it's not wise to go hiking without complete outfit. She doesn't seem to listen.

19.20

I forgot I have panic fear of spiders.

19.35

THE TREES ARE MOVING.

19.48

THE BEAR WANTS TO EAT ME HELP

20.25

I'm not drunk enough for this.

20.59

I didn't bring a cat. There was no cat. I think I'm gonna avoid nature in general for a while.

21.24

A gnome came and gave me pants. I'm not even asking at this point.

21.25

No, they weren't for free. He wanted some pretty rocks I found on the ground. Whatever floats his boat, I guess.

21.27

The pants are too small.

21.32

Rio stops singing and starts criticizing my fashion sense. He doesn't care that I don't appreciate his input.

21.34

What I appreciate is that he stopped singing.

21.38

No, I'm not gonna wear feathers. No, I don't care they are all in rage now.

21.42

Blast it, I'm gonna buy some pants.

21.43

Without feathers.

21.53

Reminder to myself: don't trust shady guys in the Auction House. Or anywhere else. Really.

21.55

On the brighter side: It's really nice in here. There are shiny jewels. Giant shiny jewels. No fauna trying to turn me into dinner.

21.57

On the less bright side: I don't think the entrance here costs so much money. No pants anytime soon.

22.10

The blue aliens are trying to eat pretty jewels. They are aggresive. They have claws.

22.13

At least they don't laugh at my lack of proper couture like the others.

22.15

The aliens laugh at my tragic inability to join two small jewels into one bigger one. I show them middle finger right as the purple jewel returns back and hits me. I don't think it helps.

22.34

A giant alien materializes with his pants on. The world is unfair.

22.53

I am given two pretty, shiny gems. A nice lady advices to put them on my pants. I want to scream.

23.55

The moon is round and shining like Henry's bald head. I sold the gems to buy pants. My monkey entertains himself by catching remaining baloons from the dance party. The world seems to be in order, perfect and generally very pleasant.

23.56

I realize that both Henry and Rio disappeared at the same time. I'm gonna buy bleach first thing in the morning.


End file.
